


I'll be better

by Webtrinsic



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Worried Tony Stark, worried happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 04:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11433633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Webtrinsic/pseuds/Webtrinsic
Summary: After defeating the Vulture, and disappointing Tony; Peter start's to self-harm, fearing he'll never be good enough for Tony.





	I'll be better

**Author's Note:**

> I just saw homecoming, there may be some minor spoilers. This is for Gallery_of_Jars.

Peter didn't understand why he felt this way, he'd won. Didn't understand why he kept cutting his wrist, it just felt right. He wanted to be happy, but he'd lost his suit, and the girl of his dreams. He let Tony down, he wasn't better. Tony was wrong, it just took him to longer than the rest to realize he was a lost cause.

Luckily Tony had figured it out, figured out he wasn't worth it. He wouldn't be proud he stopped vulture, he'd be furious. With a choked sob, Peter sliced the thin blade across his bloody wrist once more. 

"I'm sorry, I'll never be what you want." The world lost its color, black enveloping him once more. It's not the first time he'd passed out from blood loss. It wouldn't be the last. As long as he was alive, he'd never be good enough. 

\---

Pulling himself up from the cold floor of the abandoned warehouse, Peter inspected his healing wrist before picking the dried blood away from his pale skin. Slipping his mask on, Peter started his patrol. It was much easier now that Aunt May knew he was Spider-Man. Sure she was still worried, but nothing would stop him.

Laughing to himself, Peter stopped three robberies and two homicides. Lately it hadn't been giving him as much satisfaction as the blood trickling down his wrist. The slice of his skin being torn from the unyielding metal brough him joy. 

It eased his mind, it eased the anxiety of Mr. Stark confronting him. He'd yet to do so. Happy had tried to talk to him, but Peter didn't respond. Fear and self-loathing consuming him. His wrist itched to bleed, itched to let the comforting and controlled pain consume him.

_ "I wanted you to be better!" _

The voice made him stop, shaking his head Peter slipped falling onto a traffic light. Peter yipped, ashamed of how good it had felt. It made him better. The pain made him better. Never had Peter been more grateful Tony had moved, he wouldn't be around to see him hurt.

\---

Peter's phone chirped before Tony's voice cut in, "Hey kid, we really need to talk."

He threw the phone out the window.

\---

What Peter wasn't expecting was to be plucked from patrol by the Iron-Man suit and flown to the Avenger's building. Peter didn't struggle, his head screaming.

_"You're not good enough, you'll never be."_

Once set down, Peter looked between Happy and Tony.  Tony looked as cocky as ever, emerging from his suit.  There smiles soon faded, it was obvious by his body language Peter wasn't comfortable. 

"You alright kiddo? You weren't answering our calls, kinda worrying us." Tony rambled, Peter flinched when he moved to pat his shoulder. It caused both men to stop, Tony backed up a little. Giving Peter some space.

"Um I'm just going to head home," Peter hummed, walking back the way they'd come in. Neither man stopped him, "I can pull a car around!" Happy insisted, but Peter mumbled, "I can walk."

Certainly Peter knew how far a walk that is. It didn't seem to deter him any, and Tony rushed after him.

"Peter please," Tony pleaded.

"I don't want to talk Tony, you were right." Peter mumbled.

"Do you even know how to get home?" Tony asked, walking side by side Peter.

"No," Peter admitted, looking down at his feet. He wanted to cut, wanted to feel the control it gave him. Tony only made it worse, his body trembled to reach for the small blade hidden in his shoe. 

"Please Peter we can talk this out, and I'll drive you home. Okay?" 

Peter shook his head no, he wouldn't be able to sit there without breaking down.

"Peter," Tony let out as a sigh. "I was right to believe in you, I still do." It meant nothing to Peter, the praise meant nothing. The bar had been raised to high, somewhere Peter could never reach.

"I need to look out for the little guys," Peter whispered.

"You can be an Avenger, your own room and a new suit," Tony informed.

"No," Peter said boldly, before walking off.

Peter felt grateful his mask was on, because Tony looked devastated. He set off, walking in the direction he'd been brought. He could hear Tony in the suit above, Peter stopped to adjust his shoes and pull the blade from the seam. He held it in his palm as he walked, knocking it up so it scrapped his inner wrist. 

He'd lost himself to the nice feeling of blood slowly dripping, staining the inside wrist of his jacket. The world soon lost color, and he fell.

\---

Tony's alert system screamed, Peter collapsed and before his body could hit the ground he'd already wrapped him in his arms. Speeding back to the Avenger's building.

"Self-inflected wounds Sir," the AI FRIDAY explained, Tony cursed to himself. Bringing the kid to medical, when medical aid came to help, Tony couldn't bring himself to put Peter down. He held him close while he was looked over.

\---

"How long?" Peter heard, his eyes barely open. He knew what Tony was asking, Peter let the tears slowly fall. 

"You told me to be better." 

"I? I did this?" Tony asked, his voice hoarse. Tear's falling from his eyes as well.

"I'm sorry, I'll be better," Peter apologized through his sobbing fit.

"No Peter, you're perfect." 


End file.
